simon gets the snip

I HAVE A CAT named Simon. He's a street cat but is perhaps the clumsiest, most un-street smart street cat I've ever encountered. Aside from constantly knocking things over Simon also has the tendency to misjudge distances when he jumps resulting in more than one instance of him hanging awkwardly off a ledge, trying desperately to hoist his fat body up. It's really lucky for him that I took him in because I can't really see him successfully surviving the mean streets of Shanghai. That being said, Simon is an extraordinarily sweet cat and has never scratched me in our nearly 8 months of living together in a small, studio apartment. In fact, he basically lets me prod, squeeze and generally annoy him to my hearts content while he lays there and purrs.

Our relationship has always been a good one, that is until recently when Simon decided that it was time for him to get a girlfriend. I live on the 6th floor of a walk up apartment which limits Simon's prospects of becoming someone's baby daddy quite a bit. Oblivious to this obvious logistical barrier, Simon has determinely yowled and cat called through the last month in a fruitless attempt to serenade a date.

At first the meowing wasn't so bad but during the last week, he has reached a fever pitch waking me up every night with his calls. You may wonder, who could he possibly be meowing to as I live up on the sixth floor. Well, Simon has a number of crushes one of which is a mystery alley cat who also has a very strong set of vocal cords on her; however, the object that holds his highest affection and one which he spends hours doting and pawing at is his own reflection in my mirror.

At the beginning it was kind of funny watching him paw plaintively at the cat in the mirror but at 2am in the morning it's just plain irritating and at 3:30am, it's nearly intolerable. Finally, after yet another sleepless night due to Simon's raging hormones, I decided it was time for the snip. Simon is currently spending the day at the vets getting his goodies removed which is such a shame because I actually think they look quite cute. For those for you who do not know what a cat's cash and prizes look like here's a picture to enlighten you:



This is not Simon. I found this picture on Google which goes to reinforce the internet's reputation for being the Go To resource for lewd pictures. I think there was text on there that invited you quite forcefully to look at the cat's balls but I cropped it off because I just think that's unnecessary. RIP Simon's fluffy pom poms.