my cell fought the toilet and the toilet (may have) won

I AM A TERRIBLE phone klutz. I'm constantly dropping my phone on hard surfaces or accidentally crushing it with hastily, ill placed objects. Considering my past record, the events that transpired last night should feel more like a natural evolution rather than what it actually feels like - a downward spiraling conviction of my failure in life as a 25 year old.

Last night, at precisely 11:42pm (give or take a couple hours based on whisky ginger intake), my cell phone slipped from my jeans pocket and plunked squarely into the bowl of a still unused (thank God) toilet. Whereas my usual reaction to unforeseen and unfortunate circumstances is to freeze or become incoherent (it's true, I'd be the first to die in a natural disaster because instead of running for cover or executing a cool-headed, MacGyver-inspired survival maneuver, I'd stayed rooted to the ground, my mind churning out a million, half thought out solutions but my body incapable of executing even a fraction of one), this time I reacted with lightening quick speed, immediately scooping up my sopping wet phone and turning it off.

There are many tell-tale signs that your night has ended. For some it may be when they can no longer hold a coherent conversation, for others it may be simply feeling a bit tired and for a few (and we all know a friend with this story) that realization comes much later and in the form of waking up on a strange couch inside your security guard's hut not wearing any pants - for me, my night ended exactly during the moments in which I touched toilet water with my bare hands and then frantically rubbed my sopping phone all over my jeans.

My jeans are currently in the laundry. My phone has since been swabbed with Loreal face toner (lack of rubbing alcohol)and is sitting in a big bowl of uncooked rice. I will attempt to turn it on in three days time because that is the advice I gleaned from Googling "What to do when you drop a cell phone in a toilet." Wish me luck.