There are many things in life that I'm pretty good at. There are some things that I dare say I'm pretty excellent at. Directional sense however is definitely not one of them. In fact, it's so far off the list that it's pretty much in the orbit of say... Pluto?
When I lived in Atlanta, I would frequent this Korean hair salon off of Delk Rd. Every, single time I went, I would get lost and end up driving around for an hour looking for Delk Road in spite of the fact me being there just a few months ago and Delk Road being a massive 5 laner right off the highway. Most embarrassingly was that despite Delk Road being completely straight, I'd always turn onto it and drive in the exact opposite direction of the hair salon. I'd continue driving, getting angrier by the minute, until I'd finally huffily admit my mistake half an hour later and turn my car around thinking, "I can't believe this has happened again!" Then I got a GPS system and it felt like what cavemen felt when they discovered fire. It was pretty magical.
My directional sense fails me not just in the real world but also in the virtual world. I can't even begin to numerate how many times I found myself shot dead playing Halo or some other video game that involved navigating a labyrinthine space because I ended up getting myself stuck in some corner...staring straight up at the ceiling/sky unable to get a sense of where I'm actually supposed to go. You would think that the joy that comes from shooting a player who is bumbling around in a corner would eventually decrease with time but not with my friends. Their happiness only ratcheted up with each subsequent virtual attack. I don't play Halo anymore.
When I first moved to Beijing I got lost so much that I bought a compass. A compass. To navigate a city. I'll let the ridiculousness of that marinate for awhile. Unfortunately for me, buying a compass does you no good when you can't figure out which direction your destination is in the first place. I spent a lot of time riding in cabs in Beijing. This was fine since Beijing is a notoriously pedestrian unfriendly city with their mile long street blocks, multi-lane roads and infamous pollution.
After I moved to Shanghai's French Concession area with its smaller, more walkable street blocks, I discovered that walking could actually be nice - Nay, dare I say it? enjoyable - and finally I was forced to deal with what can only be described as my acute directional deficiencies head on. I started to memorize specific routes to places that I frequent and I adhere to those routes with the commitment of an obsessive compulsive. As a result however, I have become pretty proficient in navigating my neighborhood.
After a lifetime of directional fails, I had my first directional success just the other day. I had taken a wrong turn (quite accidentally) and found myself off my regular route to somewhere. Rather than calling my cab (money > map) I decided to attempt to piece together my knowledge of the area and kept walking, my wild rolling eyes the only thing betraying my inner panic. Finally after about 5 minutes I recognized a familiar street name and then another and then I was back on track again. HOW SWEET SUCCESS TASTED! True, I had only wandered about a block away from my area of knowledge of course but still... Baby steps.
Just yesterday I went for dinner at what quite possibly was the best sushi restaurant in Shanghai. After gorging ourselves on lush cuts of fish and fried meat lollipops, S and I found ourselves shivering on the chilly streets of Shanghai along with about 10 other groups of similarly miserable looking people unsuccessfully trying to hail a cab. After 20 minutes of cab hailing fails we started walking to our next destination. Still filled with the confidence of my recent direction finding success, I took the lead and charged down the street towards the intersection only to turn around and find S still rooted in the same spot looking at me quizzically.
I think I may scornfully turned around shoutning something like, "Let's Go! What are you doing?"
He looked at me confusedly, "Where are you going?"
Feeling highly superior I responded in a clipped tone, "Don't you know? Geez, good thing you've got me to guide you. Urumuqi is right over here." To really drive home the point, I then extended my arm fully and dramatically pointed down the road.
"Um...No. Urumuqi is back there." S retorted jerking his thumb behind him.
I blanched.
"... really?"
"Yeah."
"oh."
One baby step forward. Two baby steps back.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
sad but true
After graduation my friend L worked in Philly for briefly for Teach for America, a job that was riddled with stress, strife and "You won't believe what happened at school today" horror stories. One particular story that still sticks out for me was when a student brought a jar of urine to school as a prank and spilled its contents in a high-traffic hallway. The entire episode caused a huge mess and smelled horrible. While she was telling this story, the first thought that came to my head was, "Urine? That's such a legal liability." The next thought that came to my head was, "Wow, I'm soooo old and boring."
Which leads me to this cartoon, aptly titled "Old people's dreams":
Cartoon provided by the genius archives of Quantz.
Which leads me to this cartoon, aptly titled "Old people's dreams":
Cartoon provided by the genius archives of Quantz.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
lost and found
" SUBJECT: FOUND: slightly used mug and plate with original food remnants still intact
I think someone may have misplaced the following on my desk:
- 1 W+K green kit mug, slightly used. 1/4 full with tea (umber brown color) and accented by Lipton’s brand tea bag (tag, sunshine yellow color; tea bag, chocolate brown color). Note: Tea is cold.
- 1 white, ceramic plate with neo-dada like arrangement of bread crumbs and ambiguous butter smears.
I know that these possessions are probably really important to you so please stop by my desk on 4th to retrieve them. In case you left these as a surprise present for me, next time, I prefer my tea to have milk (and for the mug to be unused and for the tea to be filled to the top and hot).
xo
=d="
you can donk anything!
Awhile ago I posted about a new musical genre called Donk. I'm sure many of you had readily assumed that this particular song fad would fade out as quickly as skorts and crocs; however in the weeks that ensued from that original post, mentions of donk continue to surface. Sure the mentions mainly originate from one, rather enthusiastic donk supporter but still...
The latest and greatest in the donk world is this, a website where you can take donk into your own hands and put a donk on any song within your music library. Best part is, when you're done you can share it with friends (but probably more likely enemies and/or frenemies) via facebook/twitter. Technology is ingenious!
The latest and greatest in the donk world is this, a website where you can take donk into your own hands and put a donk on any song within your music library. Best part is, when you're done you can share it with friends (but probably more likely enemies and/or frenemies) via facebook/twitter. Technology is ingenious!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Sticks and Stones
A family friend of my parents was in town for 48 hours. She called me today and wanted to meet prior to her leaving town to give me a "present." Upon seeing me, her eyes widened and she immediately announced "You've gotten fatter."
Awkward pause.
"...a lot fatter. hahaha!"
And then she gave me this:
Talk about adding insult to injury.
Awkward pause.
"...a lot fatter. hahaha!"
And then she gave me this:
Talk about adding insult to injury.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Five Famous Chinese Food Believe it or Nots
5. Cardboard Pork Buns
What's really in these?
Technically "proven" a hoax and the offending journalist sentenced to jail for a year, the cardboard bun scandal of 2007 is an oldie but still a goodie. Just to give a bit of context for those who are not aware, in the summer of 2007, an investigative reporter went around Beijing and discovered that certain street vendors were stuffing their buns not with low grade pork (too expensive!) but cardboard that they softened with chemicals and pork flavors (cost effective!).
This created a massive outcry and panic through the city since buying pork buns from a street vendor in China is as routine and ubiquitous as picking up a morning coffee at Starbucks in the States. Luckily for everyone the Beijing authorities were on the case and hey! No need to panic citizens, the whole story was made up by a meanie head writer out to do a smear campaign on China. All the pork buns in the city are safe! Go Beijing Olympics!!
So was it a cover up or was the journalist really just out to get China? The thing is either is entirely possible. That's the thing with China. You just never really know what to believe. After an initial paranoia, the public soon returned to its old routine and street vendors selling piping hot steamers of pork buns relined Beijing streets. So far the media hasn't reported any deaths by pork bun so I guess everything's fine?
4. Fake Eggs
Um...is it supposed to do that?
DVDs, CDs, clothes, bags, furniture, cigarettes, money, computer programs, electronics, water. If there's a real thing, China's got its fake, less expensive doppelganger. Counterfeiting has become such a part of popular culture that a special Chinese slang word has been created just for it - "shanzhai" which translates to "mountain village edition." So ingrained is piracy that last month when authorities tried to raid popular Beijing fake market, Silk Street, the vendors actually fought back and protested (NOTE: for China users, you'll have to use a proxy to open this site. Thanks net nanny!).
"Oh, you're mad at us? We'll we're now mad at you. How are them apples?"
With a flotilla of Shanzhai goods on the market in every shape and size, you may think that there was couldn't possibly be anything else to add to China's fake product portfolio but then you'd be forgetting that in life, our capacity for innovation is infinite. As far back as 2006, intrepid inventors in Hebei have taken nature into their own hands perfecting the art of making shanzhai'ed eggs. After all, chickens are dirty and noisy and take up space and sometimes die. Nature is so fallible!
Using a mix of gelatin, alum and other mystery chemicals, these forward thinking capitalists create and sell their fake eggs at a fraction of the cost of the real thing without ever having to deal with a real animal (remember SARS? Who want's to deal with that again?). However, another thing we should remember is that usually man-made substitutes compared with the natural thing is like comparing a Hollywood movie to the actual book it was based on - it's just never as good. Cotton is better than polyester, Godiva is better than Hersheys, All the Pretty Horses via Cormac McCarthy is better than All the Pretty Horses via Ted Tally and so, unsurprisingly, real eggs are better than the manufactured ones. Not only do real eggs taste better, it's rumored that the excessive ingestion of alum (a key ingredient in the fake ones) can lead to dementia. I guess you get what you pay for. Or maybe not.
3. Mutant (but discounted) Fruit
More cushion for the pushin'
Speaking of getting what you paid for get a load of these discount pomelos recently purchased off the street. First reported in China Smack, these pomelos apparently are not the only fruit with thick skin.
Looks good doesn't it? Yum yum.
2. Lamb Flavored Cat Skewers
Smell's like lamb, looks like meat...
On any given night in China, you can find street vendors fastidiously fanning their charcoal grills sending billows of tasty smelling, meat laced smoke up into the sky. Next to them are coolers stockpiled with skewers of vegetables and meat. In the pageant of street snacks, lamb skewers or yang rou chrua'r are definitely the crowd favorite; however, even as you slide that hot, grilled piece of meat off the bamboo skewer and taste its juicy, gamey lamb goodness mixing with your saliva your brain can't help to think, "How can this possibly only cost RMB1?" But by that time you're in no mood for sensible thoughts and so the subsequent line of internal monologue ignores the possiblity that the meat is probably pretty poor quality or that the meat may be extremely old or that the meat may be discarded from dubious sources.
Instead, that voice inside your head yells, "You're hungry! There's delicious meat in front of you! EAT IT!!" And so, you chomp down on not one, not two a dozen or so meat skewers. After all, you're having a good time right now, carpe dieming the night and all that. Sure this skewer might be bad for you but how bad could it be?
Well, it could be cat.
Cheap and delicious!
While the consumption of cat is acknowledged to be acceptable in southern China (even local Chinese people sniff with an air of disgusted wonderment, "Those people will eat anything." whenever Guangdong is mentioned), it's become a widely rumored fact that cunning street vendors outside the designated we-actually-like-and-want-to-eat-felines areas are selling cat dressed as lamb. It's street molecular gastronomy- the cat meat is cured in a lamb's stomach to infuse in the flavors.
While some might cry foul, this whole bait 'em and switch 'em scheme seems perfectly in line with China's unique and enthusiastic capitalist-with-a-communist-slant spirit. Just think - in order to herd livestock you've got to have land, grain, farmers. It's an activity that can only be done by the elitist few.
Lambs are for elitist whores
To herd cats, you just need to run around at night with a net, an activity that could be done by the people. Ideologically sound AND efficient. Now that is impressive.
1. Baby Mice
2 cute 2 B Not eaten. LOLZ!
It's a good rule of thumb in cuisine that any dish called a delicacy is probably going to be gross. The grossest delicacies in China mostly hail from the Guangdong province. Remember the saying Chinese have for the people there? However, given this particular delicacy, you can see how most snide sayings are grounded in truth. Called Three Squeaks, this particular dish involves eating baby mice... raw.
The first squeak comes when you grab the mouse with your chopstick, the second when you dip it in sauce and the third when you bite off it's head. I would have thought it was just an urban legend except for the fact I once saw an article in a Chinese magazine about it. My written Chinese is pretty poor but the illustrations told a million words.
What's really in these?
Technically "proven" a hoax and the offending journalist sentenced to jail for a year, the cardboard bun scandal of 2007 is an oldie but still a goodie. Just to give a bit of context for those who are not aware, in the summer of 2007, an investigative reporter went around Beijing and discovered that certain street vendors were stuffing their buns not with low grade pork (too expensive!) but cardboard that they softened with chemicals and pork flavors (cost effective!).
This created a massive outcry and panic through the city since buying pork buns from a street vendor in China is as routine and ubiquitous as picking up a morning coffee at Starbucks in the States. Luckily for everyone the Beijing authorities were on the case and hey! No need to panic citizens, the whole story was made up by a meanie head writer out to do a smear campaign on China. All the pork buns in the city are safe! Go Beijing Olympics!!
So was it a cover up or was the journalist really just out to get China? The thing is either is entirely possible. That's the thing with China. You just never really know what to believe. After an initial paranoia, the public soon returned to its old routine and street vendors selling piping hot steamers of pork buns relined Beijing streets. So far the media hasn't reported any deaths by pork bun so I guess everything's fine?
4. Fake Eggs
Um...is it supposed to do that?
DVDs, CDs, clothes, bags, furniture, cigarettes, money, computer programs, electronics, water. If there's a real thing, China's got its fake, less expensive doppelganger. Counterfeiting has become such a part of popular culture that a special Chinese slang word has been created just for it - "shanzhai" which translates to "mountain village edition." So ingrained is piracy that last month when authorities tried to raid popular Beijing fake market, Silk Street, the vendors actually fought back and protested (NOTE: for China users, you'll have to use a proxy to open this site. Thanks net nanny!).
"Oh, you're mad at us? We'll we're now mad at you. How are them apples?"
With a flotilla of Shanzhai goods on the market in every shape and size, you may think that there was couldn't possibly be anything else to add to China's fake product portfolio but then you'd be forgetting that in life, our capacity for innovation is infinite. As far back as 2006, intrepid inventors in Hebei have taken nature into their own hands perfecting the art of making shanzhai'ed eggs. After all, chickens are dirty and noisy and take up space and sometimes die. Nature is so fallible!
Using a mix of gelatin, alum and other mystery chemicals, these forward thinking capitalists create and sell their fake eggs at a fraction of the cost of the real thing without ever having to deal with a real animal (remember SARS? Who want's to deal with that again?). However, another thing we should remember is that usually man-made substitutes compared with the natural thing is like comparing a Hollywood movie to the actual book it was based on - it's just never as good. Cotton is better than polyester, Godiva is better than Hersheys, All the Pretty Horses via Cormac McCarthy is better than All the Pretty Horses via Ted Tally and so, unsurprisingly, real eggs are better than the manufactured ones. Not only do real eggs taste better, it's rumored that the excessive ingestion of alum (a key ingredient in the fake ones) can lead to dementia. I guess you get what you pay for. Or maybe not.
3. Mutant (but discounted) Fruit
More cushion for the pushin'
Speaking of getting what you paid for get a load of these discount pomelos recently purchased off the street. First reported in China Smack, these pomelos apparently are not the only fruit with thick skin.
Looks good doesn't it? Yum yum.
2. Lamb Flavored Cat Skewers
Smell's like lamb, looks like meat...
On any given night in China, you can find street vendors fastidiously fanning their charcoal grills sending billows of tasty smelling, meat laced smoke up into the sky. Next to them are coolers stockpiled with skewers of vegetables and meat. In the pageant of street snacks, lamb skewers or yang rou chrua'r are definitely the crowd favorite; however, even as you slide that hot, grilled piece of meat off the bamboo skewer and taste its juicy, gamey lamb goodness mixing with your saliva your brain can't help to think, "How can this possibly only cost RMB1?" But by that time you're in no mood for sensible thoughts and so the subsequent line of internal monologue ignores the possiblity that the meat is probably pretty poor quality or that the meat may be extremely old or that the meat may be discarded from dubious sources.
Instead, that voice inside your head yells, "You're hungry! There's delicious meat in front of you! EAT IT!!" And so, you chomp down on not one, not two a dozen or so meat skewers. After all, you're having a good time right now, carpe dieming the night and all that. Sure this skewer might be bad for you but how bad could it be?
Well, it could be cat.
Cheap and delicious!
While the consumption of cat is acknowledged to be acceptable in southern China (even local Chinese people sniff with an air of disgusted wonderment, "Those people will eat anything." whenever Guangdong is mentioned), it's become a widely rumored fact that cunning street vendors outside the designated we-actually-like-and-want-to-eat-felines areas are selling cat dressed as lamb. It's street molecular gastronomy- the cat meat is cured in a lamb's stomach to infuse in the flavors.
While some might cry foul, this whole bait 'em and switch 'em scheme seems perfectly in line with China's unique and enthusiastic capitalist-with-a-communist-slant spirit. Just think - in order to herd livestock you've got to have land, grain, farmers. It's an activity that can only be done by the elitist few.
Lambs are for elitist whores
To herd cats, you just need to run around at night with a net, an activity that could be done by the people. Ideologically sound AND efficient. Now that is impressive.
1. Baby Mice
2 cute 2 B Not eaten. LOLZ!
It's a good rule of thumb in cuisine that any dish called a delicacy is probably going to be gross. The grossest delicacies in China mostly hail from the Guangdong province. Remember the saying Chinese have for the people there? However, given this particular delicacy, you can see how most snide sayings are grounded in truth. Called Three Squeaks, this particular dish involves eating baby mice... raw.
The first squeak comes when you grab the mouse with your chopstick, the second when you dip it in sauce and the third when you bite off it's head. I would have thought it was just an urban legend except for the fact I once saw an article in a Chinese magazine about it. My written Chinese is pretty poor but the illustrations told a million words.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
tall buildings shake, voices escape.
Click here for original picture
After a week of sunshine, we had heard dark rumors of rain this weekend; however after a short lived, rainy stint this morning, it seemed like clear weather was here to stay. At precisely a quarter past 11, it has started raining again in Shanghai and oh how it's started! All day today the air was warm and humid but nothing could have even started to hint at the ferocity in which this sudden lightening storm has struck.
It's as if Shanghai suffers from weather bulimia, binged itself on too many a blue sky during the week and is now spewing its guts out. One minute you're getting ready to go out on a Saturday night, next minute you're nervously watching flashes of white light explode across the sky followed by bangs and cracks so loud and sharp that your entire apartment shakes. The clouds above are like massive water balloons that are now being popped all over the city. It's literally raining buckets.
In the face of this sudden downpour my evening plans have been thrown a big, wet curveball. Rather than meeting J and A at Logo, I have instead switched on my Light playlist in iTunes (Belle and Sebastian, Sade, Air, Wilco, Death Cab and a dash of Elliot Smith), shoved a load of laundry in the machine, started on a book I've been meaning to read and, just in the last two minutes, become a human sofa for my cat Simon. All in all, it feels like it's a pretty good start for a now washed out Saturday night. Happy rainy season everyone! xo.
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