Driving down I-75 AFTER WHAT felt like a lifetime in the air, I'm finally back in Atlanta for a short 2-day stop by before I drive down to Jacksonville with my parents. No work and unfettered, internet freedom means (drum roll) HOLIDAY UPDATES! (Cue applause and enthusiastic screaming)
PART ONE: The trip across the oceanMy flight in one word: Long.
First thing: Delta stopped running direct flights to Atlanta (thanks economic recession!) and so that meant a 2 hours stop over in Detroit which made the trip nearly 20 hours in total. Second thing: for the last five years of shuttling between the US and China, I've had phenomenal luck in getting seats in rows that have been partially or fully empty. The flight I just had definitively marks the day when my. luck. ran. out.
First leg (SH->Detroit) Being short is definitely a handy trait when it comes to air travel. Normally, I get a window seat and promptly curl up and
zzz my way through the trip; however, this time (horrors!) I was stuck in an aisle seat. For tall people aisle seat = more leg room. For a person with short, little legs, aisle seat = sitting with your body angled like a half open lounge chair as your ass simultaneously turns numb and sore at the same time. Also, being in the aisle seat meant that I had the annoying task of getting up for the people sitting on the inside.
It could just be Atlanta pride but I normally feel like Delta is like the Singapore Air amongs American airline providers. I mean it's main competitors are providers such as airTran (infamous for no frills flights) and United Air (which for awhile affectionaly dubbed 'Unsafe Air') so competition isn't exactly stiff. But still, when I book a Delta flight, I feel like it should bring some assurance of quality.
Not this time my friends. Not. this. time.
The attendants were totally surly. One in particular was on some sort of
Headmistress Trunchbowl power kick, totally abusing the speaker system (which conveniently linked to the headphone system and paused whatever on flight program you were watching at the time) to bark out orders at the same 3 passengers who couldn't sit still. Obviously, it's annoying dealing with people who don't have the common sense to keep seated as the plane was buffetted around like the salad inside a
McSalad Shaker (remember those?) but it would have been a lot more practical and a lot less disruptive if he just told the people directly to sit themselves down vs gunning it for the intercom. Then again, it's probably more fun yelling in stereo at an entire plane.
The food was abysmal. Airplane food has a bad reputation and Delta's culinary offerings this last trip did little to reverse that stereotype. My "roasted chicken" (off the "Western Choices" part of the menu) was pallid, stringy and obviously boiled. It was served with a tomato slop and chinese rice. That in combination with in-flight snack (a waxy cheese and turkey sandwhich) and the bland, leathery omlette taught me a valuable lesson of getting into the habit of packing my own meals when it comes to long flights.
The cherry on the top of this 13 hour flight came when the woman in the seat in front of me, while rifling through overhead compartment, dropped her purse on my head. Wonderful.
The transfer - Detroit AirportWe landed on time which meant I had a little bit under two hours to go through immigration, find my bags, go through customs, recheck my bags, get my boarding pass for my connecting flight and go through security. I'm already incredibly nervous when I travel and was reduced to quietly doing deep breathing exercizes in a pathetic attempt to not panic when we ended up sitting at the gate for an extra 30 minutes because the airport attendants NEVER REALIZED WE LANDED. How you manage to miss a massive, Boeing 747 ?
After finally getting off the plane and going through immigration, I found myself frantically trying to locate my two bags as the aiport obviously decided it wanted punish everyone traveling alone by splitting up the luggage between two carousels. Welcome home!
Second leg - Detroit to AtlantaMiracles of miracles after a hectic run through the Detroit Airport, I managed to catch my flight just in time, snagging a window seat to boot. I promptly folded my body into my normal sleep position and passed out for...10 minutes. That's when the child behind me began to wail the mantra in long, drawn out sobs, "QUEEeeeEEEEEeeeee LooooOOOOOOOOOOOOO EEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeS mAAAAAAAaaaaAAAAAA AIEEEEEE!" It reminded me of both terrible, warbling karaoke and "
Ken Li" which might have funny had he not continued unremittingly for the next THIRTY minutes until he basically passed out from lack of oxegyn getting to his brain.
During the height of his distress my seat neighbor, a large boned, solomn faced woman with short brown hair leaned over and whispered to me in a strong Eastern Europe accent, "Vy doesn't ze mother just HOLD heem?!" As she said the last part, her eyes widened and she made a motion that resembled a wrestler choke hold.
That part of the ride was pretty cool.
After I landed in Atlanta I met up with an old college friend who's just finishing up is third year of medical school. During the drive over, I told him about the wailing kid whereupon he mused why they don't give children sedatives on planes. It was a statement that defined why are such good friends.
